Masochism Tango
by AliceRed1878
Summary: Levi succumbs to an illness he was barely able to hide. Forced into a sick bed, a ghost from his past haunts him. Yet, at the same time, he wants to hold her to his chest to stop the tears from flowing. Evah never thought he'd come back into her life but here he is. There are times when she wants to strangle him. Then again, she has other sins to make up for.
1. Chapter 1

Had the higher ups have more sense, this wouldn't be happening. Rain pelted their backs, soaking through forest green capes as they didn't have enough time to switch on their rain gear. They were supposed to be on their way back to the H.Q after a meeting but were held up just in time to travel back in the rain and the mud. Very few, if any, souls were in the streets. If there were, they were rushing towards shelter such as the warm light of a tavern or home. Bleak skies poured down bucket after bucket of chilly rain, merciless.

"Captain Levi," Erwin had turned to his compatriot who was leaning more forward than necessary. Even in the rain, the dark shadows under the captain's eyes were made all the more prominent in his features. His usual cynical face with its ever-present look of indifference or rage, there was rarely anything in between, was more gaunt than it was scoffing. Levi sniffed, ignoring the commander's voice.

"Levi, answer me."

The captain still gave no answer.

"Commander, is there something wrong?" Petra could barely be heard over the stomping hooves on cobblestones and the thunderous rain beating down on them.

"I'm fine! Don't you worry about me." Levi, evidently, was listening and had already predicted just what Erwin was about to ask. He straightened himself up in his saddle, making himself as tall as he could be for a man of his stature and pretended that the pounding headache wasn't wracking his brain.

"Maybe we should take shelter. Get out of the rain for a little while." Petra suggested. She had been watching Levi's back ever since they left the capitol. He was slumping in his seat, sniffing, sucking up snot more like it, and his cough sounded like he was ready to hack up a lung. The rain was making matters worse. It was pretty hard to ignore the signs of the common cold even in a man rightfully titled as "humanity's strongest" and one so stubborn. In this case, Captain Levi was too stubborn for his own good. The symptoms had been going on for a couple of days, and as best as he could hide it, nearly everybody in his squad already guessed that Humanity's Strongest had come down with something. They just dared not to say anything til now because the little, stubborn fool would deny it. Like right now.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm fine. Let's just get to H.Q." He spurred his horse a little ahead of Erwin's and tugged the hood of his cape as if to make sure nobody could see his face properly.

Not twenty minutest later, the pounding in his skull made his stomach churn. He wiped the rain from his eyes, only to find that it wasn't the rain getting in his eyes. A pressure was building in his lungs, like he needed to cough. The chilled air caused by rain and the early blistering wind of autumn, formed tiny icy daggers that pricked his lungs as he inhaled and exhaled. And he couldn't ignore the clammy forehead and sweat trickling down the side of his face even though it was relatively cool. Levi discreetly reached for a handkerchief to cover his mouth to cough. He managed to wriggle it free from his pocket, but the white cotton had already been soaked through. Useless. Tucking it back, he turned his arm towards his face and coughed into his elbow. Somebody was calling him. Was it the rain or his throbbing brain beating against the walls of his skull that made it hard for him to hear?

The cobblestones ahead of him began to blur. Levi shook his head, again being discreet. Even so, shaking himself didn't provide a long-lasting solution. His vision blurred again moments later. He fought to keep his eyes open. The struggle against the tiredness creeping up on him was a battle he wasn't going to lose so easily. They sped past several blocks, whizzing past shops of all varieties, and he forced himself to stay awake by any means necessary. He would sleep once he got to headquarters and he'd be better in the morning. Yet, that is not what his body was capable of doing at the moment. Without realizing it, he had slumped forward too far and he couldn't hear his comrades behind him or the commander at his side. Levi, unwillingly, stopped fighting the aches and chills wracking his body. His eyelids slid too far south. He thought he could give one last ditch effort by pinching himself in the arm. He was jolted awake for a second or two before the symptoms sprang up on him in a surprise attack, getting him when he was weak and had no other defenses left.

Hange had seen Levi leaning too far in his saddle and rushed ahead of some of the others. "Captain!" She reached out to grab his shoulder but it slid away from her grasp.

Levi's semi-conscious body toppled out of his saddle. Everybody pulled their reins sharply to stop the horses from trampling him. Commander Erwin hopped down from his horse as did Hange. She pulled Levi off his stomach on which he had fallen and sat him in her lap. Pressing her hand on his forehead, he was still quite warm despite the rain and the chill.

"We have to get him to doctor. He's going to get worse if we bring him back in this condition. Where's the nearest hospital?"

"The nearest one's on the other side town. We're not going to make it in time!" A frustrated Oluo shouted over the rain.

"What are we going to do? We can't take him with us. There's nobody to treat him and we can't leave him by himself!" Petra looked at her fallen hero's crumpled form. To think, Levi could kill maybe a dozen titans in a day but he couldn't withstand an attack from something as insignificant as the common cold.

The door of the building next to the them opened wide. A man with a hooked nose and thick gray beard held a yellow lantern aloft.

"I saw your comrade fall from his horse. Is there anything I can do to help?" He had a voice that spoke of many years smoking too much tobacco.

"Is there a doctor nearby? The hospital's too far way. Is there a place where he can be treated relatively close?" Erwin approached the man.

He scratched his chin beneath his beard, thinking.

"There's Dr. Evah down the road, that-away," he pointed with the lamp. "Take a right at this corner and keep going straight until you see a building like a barn with a white house next to it. If you see a metallurgy shop, you've gone to far."

"Thank you, sir." Erwin turned quickly and hopped right back on his horse.

Hange needed no help heaving the unconscious Levi in her saddle before climbing up herself. "Upsy-daisy, Captain."

"I should warn you though, she's eccentric. Don't be surprised when she answers the door doing something weird." The old man retreated from the nippy weather into the safe confines of his warm home.

"What do you think he meant by that?" Eld turned to Oluo, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's just hope she's not some kind of witch doctor."

The squad followed the old man's directions and immediately pulled up to the house which he described. There weren't many houses too close to it. There was a large barn-like structure with a silo of sorts attached to its side. A white house, two stories, not including the attic and possibly a basement, stood in stark contrast to the old, dark wood of the barn structure next to it. Erwin once more jumped from his saddle and handed his reins over to Petra for the time being. He quickly crossed the unkempt grassy lawn and raced up the little steps to the small porch. Rapping on the door until he saw the black silhouette of a person in the door's window, Erwin stood back a little for the person on the other side to open. A woman with her hair bound up in a green scarf answered. She was short but athletic and curvy in certain other places. Dark chocolate eyes met him with an indifferent, even bored, expression, not completely unlike anything Levi might have given him. There was an orange glow from behind her and he could hear the crackling of a fire. The soft light made her tawny skin glow.

"Am I speaking to the lady of the house?"

"You are." She answered, leaning against the door post.

"Are you Dr. Evah?"

"I am. What is your business?"

Erwin moved aside so she could see Levi's slumped form on Hange's horse.

"Our comrade has come down with something and we can't get him any treatment except from you. Can you help us?"

The doctor disengaged herself from the door post and rushed over to Hange's horse without even grabbing a coat. She gave Levi a long once over.

"Doctor?" Erwin decided she was taking too long after more than a few minutes passed by. They were standing out in the pouring rain.

"It's a good thing you found me. A little cold can turn into a nasty infection in the lungs if left untreated. Let's get him inside. You can keep your horses in the barn over there. It should be unlocked. If the table gets in the way, you can move it to the make room. Just try not to mess anything up or break something. Okay?"

Hange climbed down the horse and helped Evah haul Levi off it too. Hange held Levi's feet while Evah had her hands under his arms. They carefully and slowly carried him with as much dignity as possible inside. When the other joined them, they were overwhelmed by the smell of sandalwood and lavender permeating the air. It was smaller on the inside than they expected, even without the furniture. The old man wasn't kidding when he said that the doctor was eccentric. She had wall to wall books but that wasn't what they found too out of the ordinary. Wind chimes of colored glass were hung by every visible window. The mantle above the fireplace was decorated with odd little wooden figurines and a gargoyle's bust. Apprehensive of their surroundings, they stuck close together. Erwin moved ahead of them, not paying attention in the least bit to the doctor's strange and even macabre choice of interior decoration. They followed the trail of water droplets on the the wood floor to the second floor. A bedroom door was thrown open. Levi's uniform laid in a sopping wet mess on the floor in front of a hamper. He was dressed in a long night shirt. Evah had just tucked him in snugly under the dry blankets on a single wooden bed.

"It'll take me a little while to get some medicine prepared. He's lucky to have been brought here so soon. With or without the rain, he would have collapsed. There's a flu going around. It's a wonder the rest of you haven't caught it yet."

"Thank you, Doctor," said Erwin.

"It's my job. I'd like the rest of you to stay as well. The rain's not going to let up any time soon and I can't, because of my ethics, allow you to go back outside when it's raining cats and dogs."

"That's awfully kind of you, but I'd rather get back to headquarters as soon as possible."

Evah raised her brow sharply and put her hand on her hip.

"I'm sorry, you must be the doctor around here. Please, continue to tell me how to do my job."

"Ma'am with all do respect– "

"And frankly, sir, I really don't have the patience for this. You're all soaking wet, dripping all over my house, and I have to spend extra time making sure this guy doesn't spread his germs everywhere. I take in people who are sick and keep others from getting that way. I am also perfectly aware of your status in the Survey Corps, Commander Erwin Smith. You're used to giving orders, but in my house, I give 'em. If you're that much in a hurry to get yourselves sick, be my guest, however as long as you're under my roof, don't presume that you know more than me when it comes to medical care."

Mouths were gaped open. Nobody dared to talk to the commander like that. This woman had either nerves of steel or she was insane.

"Very well," Erwin spoke calmly to her demands. "If you insist."

"There's rooms down the hall. I'll bring some spare clothes around after I take care of this one," she pointed her thumb to Levi.

"That's very kind of you but do you really think that's necessary?"

All Erwin got in reply was a sharp glare. He sighed in defeat. He didn't like being holed up, but she made some very good point. No sense in getting everybody sick and the rain was heavy.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Please, make yourselves at home. I'll be back shortly." She brushed past the little crowd in her hallway and descended down the stairs.

"The old man wasn't kidding." Oluo scoffed after her footsteps had long since disappeared.

Evah gave her guests tea after sparing some old clothes. They reeled off to bed in the small rooms that were once built to be home for a large family. She didn't have a bedroom of her own. Instead, most nights she ended up sleeping in the loft area in the upper part of the barn or on the couch in her apartment. Tonight, she was restless. It wasn't an extraordinary thing. It was practically common for her to most of her night reading by the fire or hone a skill. Most other nights the restless nature of her insomnia left her with more time to put her brain to work until her body finally caved in.

But not tonight.

She was uncomfortably restless for a different reason. In the rain, she saw a face she had forgotten about for many years. A little more than a decade, maybe less, she stopped counting, had passed since she had seen his face. It wasn't even pretending not to know him, but she probably let it slip when she named Commander Erwin. The rumors were true. Levi had joined the Survey Corps having seemingly left behind a life of crime. It was a shock to her, but then that would be a touch of irony as her past wasn't spotless either and now she had a medical practice of her own.

Still, the face of a man she once knew showed up out of the blue during a storm. The rain had lightened. It was gently pit-pattering against the windows as she snuffed the life out of the candles, saving one to light her way. Evah climbed the stairs softly. There was snoring from the guestrooms. They were sleeping well, she assumed. Making her way to Levi's sick bed, she checked his fever. On the bedside table, the pestle and mortar still had enough residue for a morning batch of medicine. His fever was still going on strong but it wasn't as bad as before. Absentmindedly, she stroked his hair before she snapped back into reality.

"What am I doing?" Hastily grabbing her candle, Evah made her swift exit. She crept her way to the attic.

The long laces on her boots easily became tangled even as she slowly tried to undo them. Her back was aching by the time she was able to kick them off and they ended up in a heap at the foot of the bed, nothing more than a old, creaking metal spring mattress that had been in the attic longer than she had been alive. She blew out the candle and crawled under the thin covers. While sleep didn't come very quickly, it came soon enough.

Dawn peeked into the attic's window. Evah awoke at first light with a knock on her door.

"Doctor Evah?"

Commander Erwin.

Evah arose, forgetting her shoes and general appearance for now, and went to fetch the door. The commander stood on the precarious steep steps towards the attic. He was dressed in his uniform again.

"I'm afraid that we'll have to leave Captain Levi in your hands, Doctor. We need get to base right away."

"I can't interest you in some breakfast at least?" If there was any lesson her mother taught her that was somewhat worthwhile, it was how to be a proper hostess.

Erwin shook his head.

"I appreciate the offer, but we really should get going soon."

"Suit yourself," Evah shrugged, retreating back into the attic.

The green headscarf had fallen off during the night while she slept. It lay on her pillow in a balled up, knotted mess. Long black curls hung around her shoulders, reaching her waist, and hung in front of her eyes. She scratched her head and kicked aside her boots as she walked over to the dusty vanity. A pitcher of cold water sat almost untouched next to a chipped basin. The contents of the pitcher were promptly dumped into the basin. This was curious as she rarely washed her face lately, but here she was scrubbing at her pores like nobody's business. She ran her brush thoroughly through her long hair. Once...twice...thrice...four times, after that she stopped counting until her hair was shiny. Rather than hide it under a scarf, which was her usual practice, Evah tied it behind her neck. Quickly changing clothes, the cleanest pair of black slacks and a white blouse were donned underneath an open red cotton vest. She owned two pairs of boots, everyday and gardening. The laces were tied up rather nicely, neatly. She trotted down the steep staircase, almost losing her step on the way down. Horse hooves thundered outside of her house. She was home alone again. Well, almost alone.

Evah continued down the hall, ignoring her growling stomach. She knocked on his door. There wasn't a sound. Just to be sure, she knocked again. This time, she received an answer. It was a dry, croaking sound like an old man hacking up a lung. Evah opened the door, slowly, anticipation building. A pale, sickly Levi lay in bed, looking bitter as always but at least he was finally awake.

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Mister Levi." She said, unsure if he could recognize her after all these years.

Levi groaned in return.

"Where am I?"

"In my house. I'm a doctor. You seemed to have passed out and fall off your horse in the middle of the night. You're lucky your squad was so close to my place otherwise you might not have made."

Levi coughed hoarsely. This episode for a couple of minutes. When it was over, he cleared his throat and turned his head towards her.

"Do you know who you're talking to? Falling off my horse? Don't be stupid." He tried to sit up but his arms couldn't carry his weight. Evah was forced to push him back down.

Levi froze. Something snapped or clicked or...something. Was it the tone or what she said that seemed to have flipped a switch in his brain? Or was it the close proximity that they were in? Evah was practically on top of him, pushing him down by the shoulders. Their faces were nearly touching. If she wasn't careful, she could catch what he had. Yet, she didn't budge when she felt him go stiff under her hands. He tried to take a long whiff, but his nose must have been so stuffed up. Levi sniffed a little.

"Evah?" He whispered. He sounded unsure of himself.

"It's...been a while, hasn't it?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Almost ten years, if I recall correctly," Evah moved out of his reach, for his own good.

His blurry eyes made immediate recognition impossible and something must have been wrong with his ears. It was either that or he had quickly forgotten about her.

However, judging by the look on his face, that wasn't likely either.

Levi sneered at her. His sharp eyes glaring, trying to pierce her through with knife-like precision. It would have worked too if she hadn't spent so many years dealing with people who looked down on her. She was immune to his mean stare.

Levi was soon coughing again, covering his mouth with the blankets closest to his face. With disgust in his eyes, he turned to her.

"I tried burying the past, but believe me when I say you weren't easy to forget."

Suddenly, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. Too close. Evah found herself almost being pulled onto the bed. She forgot how strong Levi could be when pushed to his limits. The red-hot fire in his eyes was nothing like she had seen before, she had stared down so many with the same look. At least Levi had a pretty solid reason to and Evah would give him that much. On the other hand, she couldn't and shouldn't be so close to him. He was probably still contagious. She couldn't afford to get sick. Evah wrapped her free hand around his, tugged with all her might, and tried forcing him off. Levi's strength was not to be underestimated. The little man had an iron manacle around her wrist and no amount of force she used would get rid of it.

"What the hell do you want?" Evah gritted through her teeth, still feebly trying to get Levi to release her.

"I want to know what happened all those years ago, Evah. You up and left me in the middle of the night. No good-byes. No explanations. I want to know why." His grip turned tighter.

"I gave you the reason. I couldn't stay in the underground district and go to medical school. I'm sorry I had to leave you behind. Is that what you want? An apology?"

Levi's other hand reached behind the back of her neck and grabbed a fist full of her hair. In another turn of events, Evah found herself staring at the ceiling for a brief moment before Levi hovered over her.

"Did you think I would fall for that crap? Are you really that dumb? Or is it that you thought you could get away with lying to me."

"W-what are you talking about?" She knew he was smart. The smartest, sharpest man she knew. She wouldn't put it past him to think clearly and start asking questions.

"That day, you told me that you were leaving, to go to school. That much is true. But when you left me a note, a _note_ , explaining everything, I knew right from the start that you were hiding something from me. You can't lie to somebody's face. Did you think I would just willingly accept that and move on?"

Evah closed her eyes. She couldn't bare to look at him. Her throat felt like it was swollen shut. Forget the slight twinge of her hair being pulled, the aching soreness engulfing her was almost too much for her to bare. Swallowing hard, she answered.

"I was scared–"

"Scared of what, Evah?" He said slowly. "What were you so afraid of?"

She bit her lower lip until it bled.

"Would you answer me!" Levi turned his head and coughed. The coughing became so bad that he let go of her. Evah was able to scoot back to the other side and slide off the bed. She pushed him down gently.

"Please, you're sick. You need to rest." She pulled the covers up to his chest. Evah moved her hand to his forehead to check his fever, but he quickly swatted it away like an annoying fly, slapping her hand. Evah looked. There was a light pink mark where he hit her.

"Don't you dare touch me." He managed to say when he was done.

Evah couldn't restrain the growl erupting from her throat. She decided to give a taste of his own medicine. If anyone caught her in the act, they'd revoke her license to practice for certain. As far as she knew, they were perfectly alone in that big, ole empty house. Just her, Levi, and the dust mites to keep the rickety rafters and floorboards company. Her nails dug into his shoulders. Her knees were on either side of his hips. Being so close to the extreme warmth of his sick, fevered body put her in danger of doing something she really, really, _really_ ought not to do or evoke feelings she swore she would bury deep down. Levi managed to untie her hair with all the pulling he did. The flattened curls sprang back to life. Dark curls hung around her face as she bowed her head close to her chest.

"I can't tell you." She could barely say it, but she had been wanting to say it for so many years. Keeping this secret nearly killed her, literally. "If I could tell you, I would. I swear to whatever god is out there, I would tell you! But I can't. I made an oath. I didn't do those things to hurt you!"

Levi just stared at her. There was no emotion in eyes, not anymore. Not even a spark of rage or vehemence remained. He just looked cold and soulless. Evah started to shake. He couldn't see what was going on in that head of hers. Her hair curtained her face. Something woke up inside him. He started to reach for her and wanted to pull back her hair so he could see her face. But she sensed his movements too soon and moved out of the way. Evah scampered off the bed. She grabbed the pestle and mortar that was sitting on the bedside table. Levi watched as she spun on her heels and marched towards the door.

"I'll be back in a few minutes, I need to make you some new medicine. This stuff's dried out."

Levi's head cleared up. Maybe it was the strong scent of sandalwood that Evah put on everything that knocked some of his senses back in order. His head was still pounding and it hurt to breath. The coughing wasn't much fun either. However, his head was still clear enough to see how bad Evah's shoulders were shaking. He had been right the entire time. She was keeping something from him. Even if she had a logical reason, there was no excuse. Leaving behind just a letter wasn't good enough for him. It wasn't going to cut it. There'd be no forgiveness, not even if she crawled on her knees and begged. He must have read that stupid letter a hundred times before he finally threw it into the fire.

Three days. He spent three days looking for her. Obviously, search availed no yield. He moved on with bigger and better schemes until he found himself where he was today. He should have known when he first caught whiff of all that pungent sandalwood wafting through the air. Levi remembered how often she claimed that sandalwood was good for the body; he had yet to reap the supposed benefits. He lay there, feeling exhausted to move. What a pain. There was some much he wanted to say and do to her to rid of the rising lump in his throat. He was going to explode if he stayed here, but the aches that stretched from his toes to his head had him stay put, for the time being.

Evah marched down to the kitchens. In truth, there was nothing wrong with the medicine she made the night before, but she couldn't let him see how he was effecting her. She glanced at herself in the tiny, round mirror that hung in the hallway the separated the parlor from the kitchen and dining room. Most the lamps were turned off hours ago. Not even the fire place was rumbling with fire. All the light she had to see by was the sunshine streaking through the cracks in the curtains. From what she could see were puffy eyes on the brink of tears and flaming red cheeks. Evah turned away, not able to bare the sight of her reflection in the mirror. Taking her free hand, she slapped herself in the face for being ridiculous and stupid. She shouldn't be feeling this. This was wrong.

She marched into the kitchens, dumped the contents of the mortar in the sink, and scrubbed it clean. Drying it, the mortar was laid aside. Evah distracted herself by running through the herbs hanging on the walls of her kitchen just as she did the night before. A handful of elderberries for purify the blood and clean out the pathogens, ginger root to combat the headaches, and the shoot of _andrographis paniculata,_ Andrographis, for the fever, cough, and sore throat. The herbs were carefully added one by one into the mortar. Measuring with the utmost care, the herbs were then crushed until the red-violet compote was fit for use. Evah took a couple pinches of the mixture and rolled them into balls small enough to swallow without water. Grudgingly, she carried the medicine up to the patient's room. Levi was busy staring at the ceiling. When she entered, he didn't move a muscle. Evah didn't know whether to be angry and frustrated with Fate's sick sense of humor or be utterly miserable. Rightfully so, Evah was stuck somewhere in between. She'd rather be facing a titan than go through with this.

"Do you think you can sit up?" She asked before walking through the threshold.

Levi answered her by doing so.

She kept the dialogue professional. Levi was just another patient. That's all.

"I need you to swallow these pills for me. They're really small, so you shouldn't need anything to knock 'em down with with." She took one of the mushy herbal pills she made and held it between her thumb and forefinger, careful not to put any unnecessary pressure on it and destroy it. The herbal pill was placed in Levi's hand. He stared at it for a second or two and then turned to Evah.

"What is it?"

"Just some herbs. Elderberries, ginger root, and Andrographis."

His eyebrow quirked up.

"I thought this was supposed to be medicine, not the ingredients for some costly gourmet meal."

Evah felt her own eyebrow twitch.

"For your information, I have evidence to back up the medicinal uses of certain herbs. The elderberries are for cleaning up your system, the ginger root to combat the headaches, and the andrographis is for your fever, cough, and sore throat. My methods may be unorthodox, but at least I have the evidence to back up my theory. And if this doesn't work, I can prescribe you more _traditional_ methods." She used air-quotes around "traditional."

Levi said not another word. He plopped the herbal pill down without struggle and buried himself underneath the blankets. His back was facing her. Evah took the hint. She left the mortar and pestle on the bedside table and left. She had barely made it out of the doorway when Levi called after her. Evah turned her head to look over her shoulders. He hadn't moved.

"When I get better, we're going to pretend that we don't know each other."

Evah doubted he could hear it, and if he did he would have no remorse over it. The sound was like breaking glass and only Evah could hear it. But wasn't a window or a glass cup or a mirror breaking. It was the sound of her heart being smashed to pieces in one fatal swing. She knew that there wasn't a chance for them to work out, not after what she did. When she woke up this morning, Evah couldn't help but feel this teeny, tiny ray of hope glow inside of her. She shouldn't have been keen on talking to him. She should have been more careful and not get close to him. By now it was already too late. She felt numb even as she slammed the door behind her.

She ran towards the nearest bathroom, rolled up her sleeves, and turned on the hot water. Taking a towel and the bar of soap sitting in the dish, Evah scrubbed her hands and arms raw until they were blistering red. It was more than germ she was trying to wash off her skin. Perhaps it was memories, the stain of sins she could never wash away with soap and water. It was when she was scrubbing herself sore that some new emotion started bubbling up inside her. Anger boiled over. Levi's unfeeling eyes, the pitiless way he said those words. After all she did for him, that was how he'd treat her! She respected his secrets so why could he not accept hers? It was her dirty laundry she was trying bury. He had no right to say such things to her.

The door bell was the only thing that got Evah's attention. The soap was replaced, towel thrown into a hamper, hands and arms were dried off, and she stomped her way to the front door.

Evah stared down at the full bowl on the bedside table. He hadn't touched it. Levi had his back turned towards her. Silent.

"You're not going to get better unless you eat." The vein in her forehead throbbed. She could feel it violently pulsing against her poor skull, increasing the pain of her headache. "Besides the fact that you're wasting my food. I'm not made of money you know."

"Just send me to a hospital. How do I know you didn't spit in it?" He wheezed.

"Tch," Evah was disgusted. "Do you think I want you in my house any longer than necessary? I have other patients to attend to and you're just being a stubborn old bastard. How am I supposed to fix you if you can't even take your medicine or food?"

"Maybe I don't need you to fix me?"

"Maybe I should just let you die? Maybe I should just throw you out now and let an infection set in? Why should I take care of you? It's your own fault that you got sick in the first place. You always pushed yourself too far."

Levi suddenly rolled over to his opposite side. His steel gray eyes hardly blinked at her.

"And what about you? You're not the only one who takes things too far."

"Name one time." Evah barked.

He thought for a moment, but couldn't think of anything off the top of his head. Not with the raging pounding going on in his head.

In the yellowish light of the lamps around the room, Levi noticed something in that moment of silence while he was trying to come up with a response. Evah turned just so, her right arm had a long jagged line marring her flesh from her wrist to her inner elbow. The scar was paler than the rest of her skin but rather faded, suggesting that she had it for about ten years or so. It certainly wasn't there before. The edges were rough, jagged. With what little strength he had, he reached out and grabbed her arm. Evah had been caught in the middle of one of her day dreams or else her mind was otherwise preoccupied, she barely registered what he was doing until he turned over her right arm as if to inspect it.

"What are you doing?" She tried pulling her arm away but once again Levi was much stronger than he looked, even in his weakened state.

Levi tightened his hold on her while his other hand ran along the length of the scar. He felt the deep, raw edge. He could only imagine how much it hurt.

"How did you get this?" He glanced up.

"That's none of your business." Evah barely managed to look at him

"How did you get this?" Repeating, Levi never broke contact with her eyes.

"Don't ask," she shook her head.

Levi pressed his thumb against her wrist until she thought it might snap of place. Evah finally wrenched herself free, gripping her hand.

"What happened?" Levi managed to sit up in bed, swinging his legs over the side. "I'm not going to lay down until you tell me."

This had Evah shivering from head to toe. There were worse things he could do. Yet, they both knew that she was withholding information, she would take it to the grave before she told any living soul.

"P-please," Evah begged. Her bowed head was once again covered by the long locks of dark curls. He couldn't see her face properly. "Please don't ask."

Levi was taken aback. Did she really just beg? Her voice seemed broken, just like how she was going to be if he continued. Her shoulders were trembling and if she held onto her arm any tighter, she'd be the one who broke her wrist. It was the most pathetic thing he ever saw.

"If you tell me how you got that scar, I'll eat whatever you put in front of me." He gave her the ultimatum. It wasn't the wisest, but it might just be the only way for that insufferable woman to give him that much.

Evah stood there in silence for an infuriatingly long amount of time. She just stood there, holding her arm to her chest, shaking all over. Sometimes, Levi would catch her lips parting like she was about to say something but then they'd quickly close again. He stared at her, watching, waiting. It wasn't as if he had anything better to do.

She whispered under her breath. Levi didn't catch it. Evah's shoulders trembled even more as she slowly raised her head. It may have been the fever, but he could have sworn that he saw tears in her eyes.

"It was a very dark time for me, Levi. There were times when I really wanted to kill myself. But all I could manage was...this," she showed him the scar on her arm.

Levi was stunned into silence for a moment. It didn't last long.

"You tried to kill yourself?" He was in disbelief. On the other hand, Evah was looking at him in the eye. She couldn't do that if she was lying.

Evah picked up the bowl and started for the door.

"I'll be back with another bowl. And you'd better uphold your end of the bargain. And I'm not making you another bowl today."

Evah hurried to the kitchen. The contents of the bowl were dumped down the sink, wasted. She was scrubbing the bowl, when she caught something, a shadowed face in the corner of her eye. The bowl was left under the running water as Evah reached for a dish towel to dry off her hands. The creamy lace curtains in the window were drawn back a little, just in time for her to see the shadowy thing lurk out of sight. Cautious, she made her way to the back door, unlocked it, and entered the backyard. The vegetable patch remained untouched. The tool shed was the same, the padlock still in place. Evah looked about. She felt like a sitting duck, unsure if some assailant was waiting for her in the hedges on the other side of the fences. Evah walked over to the picket fence where she spotted the face in the window.

A bucket was sitting on the edge of her side. Evah climbed on top of it for a better view, but even so she was barely able to haul herself up. Being short came with many disadvantages. She climbed to the top of the fence, leaning over the side without jabbing herself too badly, and poked around. The grass seemed to be untouched. She couldn't spy any footprints in the mud either. Hopping down, Evah shrugged her shoulders.

"Must have been my imagination."


	3. Chapter 3

_Down the winding streets, leisurely strolling past darkened alleys, and through stone corridors in the back alleys. Down stone steps leading into the underbelly of the city._

 _The walls stank of every kind of refuse known to man, and then some. Water constantly dripped from the ceilings. Water pooled in lakes and creaks in between the rotten cracks in the not-so-impressive masonry floors. Levi's old friends, former criminal associates really, were guiding him back down these dank, dark alleys into a crowded cellar big enough to be called an amphitheater. There's so much shouting and screaming he couldn't hear himself think. There wasn't a sober head in the crowd, not even himself as he took a small sip from a flask. Men and women circled round a makeshift fence of wooden planks and scrap pieces of chicken wire. Men, mostly. A sweaty, lewd, disgusting lot was shouting at the two fighters in the "arena."_

 _'Levi, this way.' He was beckoned closer to the ring._

 _The smell of booze, sweat, blood, and piss engulfed his senses but he bore with it. Worst above this smells was the dirt floor covered in all manner of this stuff and more. Scraps of fabric lay in the arena's floor, torn and bloody. Strings of hair were caught on some of the posts. For a moment, he thought,_ What kind of ring is this _? Then he saw them._

 _A brawny Amazon of a woman, blonde and green-eyed, faced a much shorter, much more disadvantaged younger lady of black hair, dark eyes, and skin Levi rarely saw before._

 _'Put my money on the tall one.' His associate handed a small wad of cash to a man in a tattered cap. 'What about you, Levi? Who you betting on?'_

 _He couldn't judge the fight from where he stood, so he went around the arena to find a better place to get a better look at what was going on. The closer he stood, the more pungent the smell of sweat and blood choked the senses. A pair of ravenous she-wolves faced each other. A beggar was shabby; these girls were practically naked. Not the crowd mostly filled with men were going to be complaining any time soon. Skirts were ripped at the seams. Blouses torn off the shoulders and sleeves, what was left of them, were either laying on the ground or hanging on by a literal thread. Black and blonde hair was disheveled, the woman with dark hair more so than her opponent._

 _'Finish her off, Brunhilde!' A man screamed from the crowd. 'Finish off the pipsqueak!'_

 _The crowd whole-heartily agreed with him, crying for the short one's blood. The man in the tattered cap approached his side._

 _'How much can I put you down for?'_

 _Levi looked at both women. Huffing and puffing for breath, this fight wasn't going to last much longer. They were both covered with cuts and scrapes from fingernails. Bruises marred almost every inch of visible skin. The blonde woman had a paler complexion than the other. The bruises were much more visible than with the other woman. The way Brunhilde carried her person, it wasn't likely that she was a delicate flower. She was well-toned for a civilian woman, probably had to fight for her table scraps. She was smirking through fat, bruised lips and bleeding gums. She was taking her time with the short one. She had nothing to worry about in this match. But judging how much of a fight the other one was putting up, this Brunhilde had never seen an opponent who put up such a strong fight. Brunhilde was just as damaged as her opponent._

 _He looked at the other end of the ring, bored with watching the blonde huffing and puffing for dearest oxygen. The woman on the other side, she managed to garner his attention. You know, despite the purpled bruises, sweat rolling down as large beads down her face and neck, the spittle she passed crudely from her lips to the ground, and the blood dribbling down her nose. Her torn and dirty blouse revealed much of her bronzed skin. The lack of tan lines proved that the liquid caramel was one she was born with. Black curly hair, tangled beyond redemption, was a wild forest that trailed past her shoulders to her lower back. Ebony brows were knotted so tight, she looked positively feral. Like a wolf, her sharp dark eyes glared at her prey across the makeshift fighting arena. The blonde across the way was still smirking. The fool thought she had already won._

 _'Put fifty down on the short one.' Levi said with no hesitation._

 _The man in the cap looked at Levi as if he had grown a second head._

 _'Are you sure?' He looked and wondered if they were watching the same fight._

 _'That_ Brunhilde _doesn't stand a chance. When you back a dog into a corner, you're going to get bit.'_

 _The man shrugged his shoulders._

 _'It's your loss.'_

Levi awoke to the smell of tomato soup laying near his bed. He peered over. Steam was still rolling off into the air. He sat up himself, got out of bed, and grabbed the bowl and took it to bed. The sting of memories made the soup bitter but he choked it down anyway.

There was a knock at the door. Without further ado, Evah made her grand entrance, a basket full of dirty laundry resting on her hip.

"Oh good, you're up and eating. I was about to wake you. How are you this morning?" She set the basket of laundry on the floor. From what he knew of her and saw of her, Levi didn't think she owned so many shirts.

"Fine."

He felt her palm touch his forehead. Evah made a sound of disgust.

"Everything else is better, but that damn fever is being so stubborn," Evah turned and picked up the basket, "Must take after you."

She was about to leave when she suddenly stopped in the middle of the door. Evah spun around.

"Stop doing that."

Levi nearly dropped his spoon. "Stop what?"

"You're staring at the back of my head. I don't like being stared at."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes, you were. I can always feel when somebody's watching me and you were doing just that. And just out of curiosity, what on earth were you dreaming about?"

Levi continued to eat, turning his eyes away. "How do you know I was dreaming?"

"Your eyes were moving so rapidly under you eyelids. You must have been dreaming of something." Evah said in her know-it-all tone.

"Even if I wanted to tell you," Levi took a spoonful and swallowed. "It's none of your business."

Evah's face was eschewed by the veracious mask she put on having been spurred on by Levi's words. Her brows were viciously furrowed. He looked up to find a she-wolf glaring back at him.

"You're never going to let it go, will you?"

He made no reply. Evah stomped away and slammed the door, rattling the walls' various nick-knacks.

"Doctor Evah," it was Commander Erwin who was speaking one evening while she busied herself with rearranging her library in the parlor. "When do you think he's going to be well enough to return?"

Evah sighed. The little vein in her forehead started throbbing again.

"I don't know. I honestly don't. I've been trying everything. Believe me, I'm going mad here. It's that stupid fever. I've been trying everything method I know but it just won't break. I managed to get his coughing down, but it's not enough. He may have something worse than the flu."

"Like what?"

"Tuberculosis, bronchitis, cystic fibrosis, asthma, allergies, etc." She slammed a book home on the shelf. "It's increasingly frustrating. Levi's not helping matters either. Stubborn bastard."

"Can you find out exactly what he has? We can't afford to lose a soldier like him." Erwin's tone was both calm and urgent at the same time.

Evah glanced at the commander and climbed down from the step-stool she stood on, placing the stack of books on the top rung. She scratched the back of her head.

"I'm not a miracle worker, but I'll see what I can do."

Erwin nodded and made his exit. Evah dreaded going back upstairs, but she had to. She grabbed a handkerchief from the drawer in the desk and ran up the steps.

"I need you to cough into this handkerchief for me." Was the first thing she said to him, holding it out for him.

Levi was barely awake.

"What?" He glanced at the thing in her hand and turned away.

"I'm not asking you a lot. Just cough into the stupid thing so I can verify something."

Levi roughly grabbed the cloth from her hand. He did what he was told if only to get rid of her faster. Evah took it right back, stretched it out, and held it up towards the lamp.

"No red marks. No phlegm. I can probably rule out TB and other lung diseases. If I focus on the fever, I might be able to get you out of here by the end of the week."

"Good."

Evah threw the handkerchief to the floor. She grabbed him by the shoulders.

"What is your major malfunction? Do you hate me that much?"

"That depends." He turned his slate-colored eyes and stared directly into hers. "Are you going to tell me the truth?"

Evah threw herself away from him, running her hands through her hair and pulling.

"For the last time, I can't tell you! I would if I could but I can't. Don't you understand that? I can't tell you!"

"Ahem," Commander Erwin stood in the doorway.

Levi sat up a little straighter. Evah loosened her hold on her hair and her hands fell limp to her sides.

"Just how much of that did you hear?" Evah asked, trying to find some way to ignore the burning in her cheeks.

"The whole thing," he paused. It was the worst moment of silence Evah had to ever endure. " I'm curious. What is the relationship between you two?"

Evah glanced at Levi. He folded his arms across his chest. He leaned against his pillow and turned to stare at the wall. But not until he gave Evah a silent command to not say a single word by mouthing it. If she could read lips as well as she said, she should have gotten the message. What he didn't account for was making the mistake of inducing the angry fire in her belly. He should have known that she was going to retaliate.

"Well, sir," she began, "You could say we're, Levi and I, are old friends."

Evah felt Levi's glare burn a hole into the back of her head.

"Of course, you could also say I'm his ex-girlfriend too," she continued.

"Ex-girlfriend?" He turned to Levi. "Is this true?"

"Unfortunately." Levi ground out.

"But I can trust that there is no conflict of interests?" Erwin had turned to Evah.

"I don't want him to stick around anymore than necessary. Believe you me." She picked up the handkerchief and threw it in the bin.

"The reason why I came up here was that a couple of gentlemen were looking for you. I thought you should know."

Levi thought that Evah's color melted from her face.

"What...what did they look like?"

It wasn't like her to falter.

"They reminded me of you. Late forties, dark hair, dark eyes."

"I'll be down there shortly. Thank you." Evah rushed past Erwin. She didn't even apologize when she roughly bumped into his shoulder, almost knocking him over.

Evah could feel her heart not just beating against its prison. It was thumping like the sound of titan crushing the earth beneath its feet. They couldn't have found out. Not yet. Not so soon. It wasn't even her fault. How could they have known?

Not unless that peculiar face she saw hiding behind her fence was one of their little urchin minions spying on her.

No, she was just being paranoid.

"Evah Lupei, I thought we could have a chat." She heard from a rough, harsh voice.

"Do you know what that was about?"

Levi shrugged his shoulders.

"I haven't seen that woman in ten years. How should I know what she's up to?"

"I expect your full recovery in a two days. I hope you're not doing anything to linger here to catch up with _old friend_."

Levi made a noise of disgust.

"Did you two have a falling out of some kind?" It must have been a bad break-up. Erwin have never seen Levi so perturbed before, not when it came to matters of personal relationships.

"You could say that." Levi gruffly replied, almost mirroring Evah's earlier words.

"So what did happen?"

"I wouldn't know. She keeps giving me this bogus story about leaving to go to med school. That much is true, but not the way in which it happened."

"Oh?"

Levi glared at Erwin, narrowing his eyes until they were merely slits of gray.

"What do you mean, 'Oh?' It's none of your business. Since when have you been so interested in my personal affairs?"

"I just thought that after..."

"Don't you say another word." Levi sat up straight. He couldn't take this anymore. "Enough with the interrogation techniques. What happened between her and I has long been finished. She made that perfectly clear. She wants nothing to do with me any more than I with her. So just drop it."

"She seemed visibly upset when you told her to tell the truth. Have you any idea what she meant by she couldn't tell you?"

"I don't." Levi's impatience was so much stronger than his fever. He was about to rush out of bed, dawn his uniform, and run home to base before any illness could stop him.

"She seems troubled. Don't you care about that?"

"She brings trouble down upon herself. It's her curse."

"And you don't mind that she might be in trouble?"

"It's none of my business anymore. But, if you must know, she wouldn't want me to help any way. She's stubborn and hard-headed like that. She wouldn't listen even if I tried."

Erwin chuckled. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door frame.

"Reminds me of someone I know."

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"You're right." Erwin dislodged himself from the door frame. "I'll see you in two days time, but the sooner the better."

Levi finally plopped back against his pillow, at least that what Erwin last saw when he was closing the door behind him. Doctor Evah Lupei, he had time to do some research on her, though not much seemed to be known from her first eighteen years of life. The first record of ever showing signs of existence was filing for scholarships for medical school. She'd been working at a bar, apparently. Before that, there was nothing. Only a blank canvas to tell the story. He'd only looked her up to make sure her credentials were solid, and they were. He found it very strange though that someone like her could actually become a doctor. Her vernacular was very common. She must have had a hard up-bringing and if she knew Levi, which must have been before she reached adulthood, she must have found her way into the underground. That would explain so much of her _abrasive_ personality.

Her house, he wondered as he treaded down the stairs, was very peculiar as well. Even as a doctor, she couldn't have made so much money to afford it or all of the little _trinkets_ that decorated every corner. Not a street nicknamed "Gypsy Street" on account of the rugged vagabonds that used to travel through the continent and beyond. She looked a great deal like them.

He made to the front door, but then paused. His ears picked up a trio of voices coming from the eastern side of the house. Erwin crept quietly towards the sounds. He managed to stay out of sight. He hushed his breathing and listened.

"I paid my debt. I don't understand why you're still here. Go bully someone else." Evah's voice was straining to control itself. She didn't want the neighbors to hear.

"You know the rules...you broke the code." Said one of the men who had asked for Evah.

"First, you don't consider me Romani. Second, what code? Which rule did I break this time?"

"You brought an outsider into our turf." Said the other.

Erwin didn't need to poke his head around the corner. He had gotten an eyeful of the two "gentlemen" before going inside the house. A pair of gruff-looking fellows, a couple of Gypsy Kings. They dressed rather nicely for gypsies, but their suits were well-worn and the bottom of their shoes showed the extent of their travels.

"I bring outsiders," Evah paused. "I bring all sorts of patients into my house. You've never said anything before. Why badger me now?"

"Because the rest of those patients weren't Levi Ackerman. I thought we warned you the first time."

Erwin listened all the more closely now. Was this what she was warning Levi about?

"He means nothing to me now. You made sure of that." There was a storm of bitterness and sadness and rage in her voice. Evah, as strong as she was, was on the brink of tears. Erwin could tell that by the crack in her voice.

"Evidently, that lesson wasn't beaten into you hard enough. You know our code. So long as you are even half Romani, you will follow our traditions. Levi Ackerman is not one of us, and you will have nothing to do with him. You have one day to have the _gadjo_ removed or we will remove him, and you, from the premises."

"You set foot near my house and I will shoot you on sight. Military police be damned." Evah spat.

"After what your father did? Do you think your family deserves more blood on its hands?"

One of them must have tried to touch her. Erwin heard a hand making brisk contact with a cheek, but that wasn't what happened. Evah softly cried and then there was a thud.

"You listen here, _gadji_ , one day. If we hear otherwise, you'll be sorry."

The men started to make their way around the house. Erwin jumped back onto the porch and pretended that he was just now descending the little stairs. He curtly nodded in their general direction but any polite attitude was lost on them. Erwin waited until they disappeared around the corner of the street before making a sharp turn around the house. Evah was just then pulling herself off the ground. She ran her hand through her hair, removing the headscarf. He couldn't see what they did to her. She was hiding evidence.

"Are you alright?" He asked. He approached her, but didn't get too close. The air around her was volatile. It would be like approaching a cornered dog at this point.

"I'm fine."

"I have friends in high places should you need someone to talk to."

Evah turned to him. There was a bruise on her cheek. No way she could hide that from Levi.

"You need to stop eavesdropping. It's becoming a nasty habit." She gritted through her teeth.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm not even going to bother in asking how you bruised that cheek of yours."

Levi's voice startled her.

She had been busy at her kitchen sink, scrubbing her hands and arms raw. Evah jumped, a little, but never looked back. Ignoring him, she went back to what he was doing.

"I think you should go back to bed."

He sneaked behind her; his soft footsteps made it impossible to detect where he was coming from or if he was going. Levi's hand was all too soon wrapped firmly around her wrist and roughly pulled it out of the soapy, lukewarm water. Suds and water dripped like rain unto her kitchen floor, even soaking into Levi's socks.

"You're doing it again."

"Avoiding you? Not answering your questions? Take your pick!" Evah wrenched her arm away.

"For as long as I've known you, you've never care much for cleaning."

Evah had just reached the other side of the kitchen to grab a hand towel. Compared to him, sure, Evah was a slob, but could she really have a messy clinic with people coming and going at all hours of the day? She kept her place clean enough, but a little dust never hurt anybody.

"Is that all you have to say?" She ground her teeth. She glared at Levi from over her shoulder as she dried her arms, accidentally rubbing them a little too hard on already raw flesh.

"And for as long as I've known you, you take your hygiene more seriously. Especially your hands."

"Well, duh, genius. Maybe it has something to do with me being a doctor. Unless you want me to find my diploma and show you proof that I graduated from an actual medical school?"

Levi didn't answer. Evah's hand was caught in an unbreakable shackle that his hand had made around her wrist. It was starting to become a nasty habit of his.

"Did they teach you to scrub your arms so bad that your skin turns red?" He pulled at her arm, not much but just enough, and pulled back more of her shirt sleeve. His fingers gingerly traced the line of her jagged scar. All Evah could do was to grind her jaws together and bare it. He couldn't know that he actually was causing her pain by even ever-so-slightly touching the skin of her arm. His finger ran up and down the length of her arm, leaving a temporary trail of white flesh that quickly turned dark red again.

"It's a nasty force of habit isn't it?"

"Why do you insist on torturing me? Haven't I been through enough?"

Suddenly, their faces were so long their noses nearly touched. It was a good thing that Erwin Smith hadn't decided to follow Evah after her _episode_ with her _visitors_ and take a stroll into the kitchen, if only to catch these two in an incredibly awkward moment.

Evah tried to look anywhere else but at Levi, however, their close proximity made that mission an impossible one. Levi always had a way of making his presence known and unforgettable. Without even lifting a finger, he had her pulling her gaze towards him. Dark brown met slate-gray, one set was wide open and the others were narrowed like a snake waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.

"Do you really know what torture feels like, Evah? How about waking up in the morning to find your girlfriend missing and you don't know where she went or how she managed to get anywhere with all of her things backed in a bag she stole from you? How about finding her utterly _indifferent_ note hiding in her desk, telling you that you would both be better off without her there and that she had _dreams_ ," Levis hissed as if the word was poison to him, "She wanted to accomplish first before she became anybody's woman. Have you ever had your heart torn out and spat upon and thrown aside like garbage? Then, add the fact that your friends, the only other two of the people that you trusted most in the world, wind up dead. And you take out all of that rage building up inside of you against the titans that took them away from you. If you suffer through all of that, then you can tell me what torture feels like."

Levi quickly released her just as fast as he had grabbed her in the first place. Evah's heart was pounding inside her chest. She couldn't get air in and out of her lungs fast enough; she felt her chest about to explode. Levi slowly started to make his exit. Evah felt her legs shaking, knees buckling.

"They're...dead?" She whispered in disbelief.

This seemed to stop Levi in his tracks.

"Don't worry. I have no regrets about what I've done." Then he turned. They stood in front of each other, blocked by an invisible, intangible, emotional wall. "But do you?"

"L-Levi..."

"What's your excuse then? It had better be a good one."

+++Warning: This scene contains descriptive images of self-harm. If you are sensitive to this subject, please be advised to skip this following scene.

* * *

Evah was torn between two emotions that had been building and kept building inside of for almost a decade: rage and absolute contrition with a dash of misery. Her hand reacted on its own. She didn't know what she was doing. Everything became a blank, white slate that looking at it later, she would only remember bits and pieces of the event. Her hand, having a mind of its own and becoming a fully sentient living thing, went for the rack of kitchen knives on her counter. Levi stood dumbly as Evah pulled out the knife. Her head was hung so low that he couldn't see clearly what sort of reaction he had created in her.

She rolled up the sleeve on her other arm.

"Evah, what are you doing?" When he came into the kitchen, he intended to force the answers out of her, one last shot, and if she didn't, well, it was her life. She could do what she wanted with it. But this... _this_. He never intended this. He realized too late that he may have taken things too far. He should have seen the signs. They were right there in front of him. He already knew about the inclination for self-harm.

The sharp tip of the knife poked the raw skin at the inside of her elbow. Her hand was shaking so bad that it wouldn't take much to make a matching scar as was seen on her other arm. Levi, for once in his life, stood helpless. What was he supposed to do now? Watch yet another person he care for die right in front of him? Only this time, there weren't any titans to take out his grieving frustrations out on.

"Do you think..." Evah rasped. "That I intended to be cruel? I didn't want to. I didn't want to do those things to you, Levi. I swear I didn't. You were...you were the first man outside of my family that I loved. My uncle died. The man who was supposed to be my father...died. I didn't even know I had a godfather until after I ran away. I loved you so much...that it hurt."

Levi took one cautious step when he saw a single blood droplet make its way down Evah's arm. The very tip of the knife bit and disappeared into her skin. Evah was already breathing heavily, pretty close to hyperventilating. She was standing stock-still despite how bad she was shaking from her shoulders down to her knees.

"I need you to put the knife down, Evah."

"I tried so _hard_ to forget what I've done. But the sins of _that man_ keep haunting me. He won't leave me alone. Tell me why it wouldn't be better if I end it here? You'd be free of me and you don't care for me much anymore anyway. Why should it matter to you if I live or die out here?"

Levi didn't understand half of what she was saying, but the other half was perfectly clear. He edged just a little closer. Evah's head was still bowed down pretty low. Her hair had somehow come undone. Before he found her scrubbing her arms in the kitchen sink, he had seen her running her hands madly through her hair. In fact, her headscarf had been discarded and forgotten on the floor.

"That's not true, Evah."

"The first time...it was just after three months. _Three months_ after I ran away. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to live. If it wasn't for my godfather who found me in time, I wouldn't be here."

 _Keep her talking_.

"This godfather of yours...what's his name?"

"Why do you care?" Evah dragged the knife, gritting her teeth, down her arm. Blood pooled and seeped through the open wound. She hadn't moved the knife very far done, but it was still enough to put Levi on guard. He stood still.

"You're wrong. I do care. Now," he said as calmly as he could, "Do me a favor and put down the knife. We can talk about this."

"I didn't mean to...I swear I didn't."

It wasn't just her blood plopping to the ground anymore. Levi could actually hear her copious tears falling to the floor. He stopped breathing for a while. The kitchen became so quiet, like the grave, that you could hear a pin drop. His feet moved subtly but quickly. Evah was far too distracted with her emotional breakdown to see anything that he was doing, including sneaking up on her to grab the knife away from her. Forcibly, if necessary.

"What didn't you mean to do, Evah? Talk to me." That might have been the only way to keep her alive.

Her hand around the knife stilled. Evah wearily shook her head.

"Can't. I can't..." He could barely hear her.

"Yes, you can. I need you to trust me." He looked at the knife. Was it getting deeper? "Do you trust me?"

"I...don't know...I stopped three years ago. I thought I could finally move on."

 _Three years ago? Don't tell me she's referring to_ that _?_ Levi could barely make out the scar on her right arm with it overturned like it was. Were there supposed to be others? The thought alone made him sick to his stomach.

"Nobody else is here. You can tell me whatever you want to tell me."

"Only after trying to force the answers out of me for the past three days, you arrogant prick!" Evah's head shot up. At least it was a start.

"I'm sorry..."

"You're sorry?" Evah screamed. Her echo might have been heard throughout the house and from the back door. Levi wasn't worried so much about the neighbors; they seemed to be people who kept their mouths shut about these kinds of things. It was the thought Erwin hadn't left yet and was still snooping around the place. "You don't know what it's been like for me all this time. I was cutting myself for almost five years. Do you want to know why? Because it kept eating me alive! The thought of how I hurt you all those years ago, how I went behind your back and lied, all to protect you!"

"Evah, what are you talking about?" Levi managed to edge closer. He was just about arm's length away from her. Her emotions had full control. Her mental capacity and the ability see him coming had been so greatly diminished that he doubted that she even realized he was much closer than before.

"I...I tried to keep you alive. If I didn't do as they said, they would have killed you back then. I was barely eighteen, I wasn't worth anything to them yet! If I didn't leave you alone, they would have gutted you like a fish and let you bleed to death in front of me and kill me next! They had something over me and I still can't get out from underneath their thumb, Levi! And...and when I tried to sneak you back up with me a couple months later," Evah's words were becoming less and less comprehensible at this point. Tears and snot dripping down her face was making it near impossible to form article words. "They found out. They beat the shit out of me. They almost left me for dead. That's when I started cutting myself. It took me five damn years to quit and then you show up sick as a dog and I'm forced to take care of you! Between all of those memories flooding back all at once and you, _you_ were trying to force the answers out of me? Then, you question me? Tell me I haven't suffered? Screw you, screw you, Levi Ackerman!"

Levi wrenched the knife away and chucked it somewhere that Evah couldn't reach. He trapped her arms to her sides as he shackled his own around. Her blood was warm, hot even. It stained his nightshirt, but at least it wasn't his to begin with.

+++Warning: Complete. You may now read at your leisure.

* * *

Evah moaned and sobbed into his chest. Her legs finally caved in, taking Levi with her. They sat on the floor, together after eight years, eight agnozied years, an eight year battle in which it seemed to Levi he wasn't the only one to achieve battle scars. You could see Evah's. Half of what she was screaming about still made no sense to him. She wasn't anywhere near as specific as he needed to be, though at this point it was a start and the more important thing accomplished was that he could get the knife away from her in time. This was the only time he had seen her be so openly emotional; she almost looked like a woman.

Joking aside, he couldn't just leave her like this. Some of the mystery had been revealed, but the whole picture had yet to be uncovered. Levi couldn't bring himself to split after such a revelation, and especially not now when he knew how vulnerable Evah really was. He should have known better. He should have known that something was lurking behind the shadows under her eyes, something had been keeping her up at night for all this time. She left the scene of the crime with more battle scars than both of them could count, only she had been alone to deal with them and Levi had just started counting. He dreaded to see what the other ones looked like.

Uncomfortable but not willing to leave her be, Levi held her close until her sobbing came to a complete halt. Evah was the first to pull away, to which he would be ever and eternally grateful. She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, much to his disgust however but at least she managed to get to her feet on her own.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Levi grabbed the nearest dry towel and clamped it around the freshly made cut on Evah's arm.

"Just how many of those are there?"

Evah looked away.

"Too many for me to count." She slipped away from him and pressed her thumb against the towel. Taking a deep breath, she sighed. "So, now you know one of my dirty little secrets. Are you going to tell anybody?"

"Only if it's necessary. Just what kind of trouble are you in?"

Evah ground her teeth. Her jaws were deadset on not opening.

"Not as much trouble as before. Let's just say that, this _gang_ likes to keep people under their thumb, a lot of people, I just happen to one of them. And they, this gang, generally likes to use any means they deem suitable to get what they want. Blackmail, bribery, theft, arson, murder, you name it, they've done it. Nobody down this street or any of the gypsy ghettos dare to speak about them to the authorities out of fear of retaltiation."

"And what about you? Why haven't they tried to kill you?"

"Oh, they have, but it wasn't for a lack of trying that I'm still here."

Levi felt his hands tighten at his side. This woman. She never took anything seriously.

"I'm worth something now to the community. I give cheap health care and give the community a somewhat respectable sense of entitlement. They kill me, they're not going to have somebody to tend to their sick and injured."

"So you're alive because you give gypsies cheap health care? You're alive because of charity?"

Evah darkly chuckled.

"You sound as if I'm incapable of doing good without some benefit for myself. Why do you think I became a doctor in the first place? It wasn't for the boatloads of cash, I can tell you that much."

"Then why do it?"

Evah sighed again.

"Because my mother was doctor, rest her soul. I don't remember much about her, but I do remember her being the kindest woman I have known in my life."

"You never talk about her much. Or, anybody else from your family."

"You don't."

"You're right."

"Birds of a feather, as they say."

Levi picked up the knife that landed on the floor. The blood was stained red with blood. It suddenly felt so heavy in his hand.

"I'm not going to do it again. I promise. You don't need to worry about that. I'm going to take care of this. Would you mind cleaning this up?"

Without even waiting for his answer, Levi heard Evah's heavy footsteps make a quick exit and then disappeared. He looked about the place once she was good and gone. There was water and blood all over the cheap tile floor. Dried leftovers lined the counter underneath where she kept her stock of medicinal herbs. The sink was not only piled high with dishes, utensils, and measuring instruments, the metal tub and faucet were grimy and cloudy. The multiple dish rags lying around made it difficult for him to think; he worried for a split second that he had given Evah a germ-invested dish rag to clot her wound.

All of a sudden, his sinuses were clear and his headache was gone. The throbbing pulse battering his skull had ceased. Levi glared at a greasy cast iron pan, and all he could think about was how could she prepare food in this thing?

No, his illness was gone. The furthest thought in running through his brain right now.

* * *

As a friendly reminder, if you or someone you know is danger of harming themselves or showing the signs of suicidal thoughts, please contact the nearest counselor, doctor, family and friends, teacher, or another responsible and reasonable authority figure immediately.


End file.
